Hazing occurs everywhere in the world and to try and take that out of sports programs would be outrageous. You can't just end something that boys naturally do, and as for the kids leaving, other factors could have played a role. Can't pin hazing as the sole reason. Wassup

Alright, listen here you muppet. I am a student at DHS and I have never seen a case of bullying towards any of the special ed kids. Where do ya get off in your lie ridden plague of lobbying for IB? Don't try and fool me or anyone. I'm on the inside here, not you. Report only true accounts, not lies.

Cheers

Excellent commentary, Laura.

You're one to talk about bullying? You're insulting a kid for his drawing. Lemme break this down for you Vader. You're a middle aged man who is critiquing a child's drawing instead of getting a job and making a difference in this world. Ya know what I think? I think you are just a pretentious blogger who thinks bullying is bad and is too blind to see what's right in front of them. You're the bully. Reevaluate yourself mate. Cheers.
P.S. Mike has a great point

I know this response is off topic to the article, but the details provided above about special education need some clarification. If anyone has a question about special education services, please feel free to call your child's school and ask. We are happy to provide information about eligibility and the process for determining if special education services are warranted.

Special education funding is need based, not fixed annually, so we never make decisions to provide services, or not, based on the fact that we have a fixed budget. Decisions are always based on what the IEP team determines is best for the child within the parameters of the law and eligibility requirements.

No student who receives special education support required or utilized an attorney to obtain those supports.

It is true we have had families move to our community because we provide excellent special education services, but our overall special education percentages are among the lowest in the county.

Our Special Education Director happily retired last year after six years of wonderful service so she could spend time with her grandchild. The only other Special Education Director resignation we had in the last ten years was due to the director moving out of state because of a spouse's business opportunity.

Please contact us if we can provide any additional information regarding Special Education or any other service.

Yep what she said! ^^

Dexter Patch when are we going to talk special education at Dexter? There is a lot that can be learned from the multitude of issues that all sides face.

Shawn, if you want to have a serious debate about special education in Dexter, I am all for it, but this is not it. There are no facts presented with any attributable sourcing. One could easily say that Dexter have a 20% (if this is correct, there is no attribution or citation) higher rate of IEP's is ample evidence our process must be quite sympathetic to granting IEP's in comparison to other districts, which would disagree with the point being made by Dexter Mom. What your remark about the rate means with respect to the socio-economic status of the district escapes me. What has one to do with the other? The need for IEP's certainly has no economic component.

More to the point, the additional dollars may or may not be needed for special education or may or may not be better spent on AP classes - there doesn't seem to be enough information available. Certainly no indication that the dollars could or would be available to be spent on anything else was given. Seems to make a discussion on allocation difficult.

Laura, as quoted from Education.com..."RELATIONS BETWEEN SCHOOL OUTCOMES AND SCHOOL SES (SocioEconomic Status)
Schools in low SES neighborhoods tend to have fewer resources. Their students, beginning school with little preparation, require an educational system with a more skillful and focused approach. However, the teachers in the low SES schools are often less paid and less trained than the teachers in the higher SES schools. The results are low achievement rates for the students. Few high school students in the low SES schools plan to attend college; therefore, the graduation rate is low.

One of the big problems in school for children of low SES is the self-fulfilling prophecy of failure. If the children do not dress well or are too shy, the teacher may not feel they are very bright. The teacher will call on these students less often and not regularly engage them in class discussion. These students are then left feeling as if they do not belong in school and as if they do not have hope of doing well. If learned helplessness builds in the students' self-concept, they will look for experiences that confirm this self-concept. This process is especially strong if the students are from an ethnic minority and face discrimination."

Dexter is not a low SES district.

Yes, IEP's have a very definite economic component to them. I recently spent 4 years subbing in 13 different districts and saw/dealt with IEP's directly enough to understand. Enjoy, take care and be well

Shawn, you are mixing apples and oranges. School outcomes and IEP's. Your point is about school outcomes as a factor of SES, not IEP's. IEP's are provided for children who have disabilities. SES is not a disability.

I dont know why we have more kids with IEP's in Dexter, but my own guess would be that the outstanding services provided by the school district for kids on the autism spectrum has something to do with it. The district has done really well for these kids. Autism has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with SES.

I am a real advocate of the Dexter Difference for these kids and the benefit it has made for them, at least in K-8. A high rate of IEP's is no indication that the district is doing anything wrong, in fact, I would say it is exactly the opposite.

"I dont know why we have more kids with IEP's in Dexter, but my own guess would be that the outstanding services provided by the school district for kids on the autism spectrum has something to do with it."

From what I have a seen and in talking with other parents, Dexter does not do well with kids on the spectrum - especially those with Aspergers. There is a reason those families had to go elsewhere. Those kids are walking targets and it is painful to watch.

That is exactly the opposite of what we have experienced and what I have heard from other Aspie parents in K-6. I know the lower grades see people coming here for the high quality services for Aspie kids. I cannot say enough good things about how well K-6 Special Ed has done by our son. I am sorry if it has not been the same experience for you. Is your bad experience at the HS level?

Actually our experience was wonderful until 4th grade. Then it was downhill from there. I cannot say enough good things about K-3 in Dexter! 5th grade wasn't that bad either but we still had bumps in the road as there will always be. A huge part of having a succesful year is finding a good fit between teacher and individual child. I realize teachers are overworked and have too many kids per classroom. I could also go on and on about the lack of funding and how they continue to cut services or share social workers between schools when the data clearly shows that many of the IEPs involve emotional impairment, aspies, etc. Then there is the whole "specials" and how those kids with IEPs need the extra academic support but cannot get it during "specials classes", rather they pull them out of core academic classes to get the support. We can only hope that things improve in the higher grades but I'm finding that as kids get older, they get meaner which leads to more bullying, more issues, etc. I dread middle school and high school. If there is no improvment I will have to send my child elsewhere. Dexter really needs to address the issue of special ed kids that are targeted and bullied. Stop denying it and face the problem head on. Yes it involves difficult conversations with probably emotionally charged parents but that is what needs to happen.

DCS - I would be very interested in speaking with you more about this issue. We have a 6th grader with ASD and are nervous about the next years. I am thinking of putting together a parents Meet Up group in Dexter specifically to talk about special education in Dexter from the parents perspective. My though is that together, we can learn more and make more effective cases for changes our kids need. I also know parents of kids who have been through the DHS system and had very bad experiences, so I believe there is cause for concern.

Would you have an interest in such a group? I was think of once every 2 weeks meeting at the Pub or Aubrees.

@Laura - I am very interested in meeting and forming a group or finding one that is already established. Perhaps the Dexter Patch would allow us to advertise such meeting? Also, if DCS says it takes the problem so seriously would they be willing to post notice of meeting in the email newsletters? There is a PAC rep listed on the WISD website. I'm going to send an email to see if there is established group that already meets. I haven't seen anything and have a family member who has been in the district for many years and have only heard of the PAC rep, no group. I'll let you know what I find out.

@DCS - sounds great! If they do not have one, we can set one up through MeetUp.com. They have an on line tool for creating an open group that meets in person - and it's searchable on line by people. I have used them before and its quite good. I know of quite a few ASD families in the school district I can mention it to as well. I look forward to hearing back from you. My email is ljones@chartermi.net

I agree that it would be great if education could be personalized to meet each child's needs. I don't see that happening in an era where our society places it at the bottom of our priority list. We blame teachers for our kids problems and our economic woes and pay them less than most developed nations (currently #27 in pay). We hold teachers in some of the least amount of esteem of developed nations, we demand less hours and lesser outcomes than other nations as well.

IEP's however, are not just about meeting grade expectations, but about the disability of the child. It is possible to have a child with disabilities, meeting grade level, with other issues that need to be (and are) addressed through an IEP. The IEP is part of IDEA (Individuals with disabilities education act) which means it is not at all about kids reaching their potentials, but about access to education for children with disabilities and accommodation of their disabilities within a public school. Without the disability classification in place, and IEP request will never move forward. With it in place, it then becomes about the disability manifestations at school - which are the only things that can be addressed. It's all about working within the law, which can be tricky.

Please Mr. Lai it is time to expose the special education issues within DCS. I have spent years and thousands of dollars in medical bills for my child because of the teasing/mocking (DCS will not define it as bullying) he receives. I have included MM in so many emails and she can't be bothered to acknowledge them or address the issue. Dexter Mom is 100% correct. Unless you bring in lawyers or file state and federal complaints, this district will not serve the needs of children who test well yet socially are destroyed each and every day. I have the facebook screen shots showing the relentless mocking/teasing/bullying. It's disgusting what my child has had to go through. I am also aware of several families who had to pull their special needs kids from the district. We could be next as well. No one should have to endure what these kids do on a daily basis. With MM out the door bring the issue to light. Let the public see what is really going on behind the school doors that they are desperately trying to keep hidden.

@Laura Jones
If I had the extra money to get a lawyer I would. You are dead on about social media. Per stopbullying.gov there are federal and state laws that do support intervention with cyberbullying whether during school hours or not. The information I found on a website that I had banned and had blocks in place to prevent, was disgusting. Kids are part of secret groups that are not visable on a profile. The parent would need the childs username and password to go through the account to see what is really happening. There you will find the most disgusting hateful behavior demonstrated. I sat up for nights looking through it all in shock. I had no idea kids were this cruel to each other. Again, there were a few that stood up and said "hey no more, kid is hurting enough" but they are relentless and think it's funny. Nothing about it is funny. When I brought this to the attention of the school I was originally told nothing could be done. Then I was told I needed to bring in information but they would not give me the policy on cyberbullying stating it was not public. If I turn in the information my kid will face the consquences of telling on the kids who did this. If life is already difficult at school how will outing those help? It's a huge problem that I'm not sure anyone knows how to address.

This topic - social media bullying - is one of the topics I would like to get a Dexter ASD-Parents group together to discuss. I know it reaches more than the ASD community, but I think it hits us especially hard.

I have a meeting to attend next week at Mill Creek for incoming 7th graders. I will publicly ask for a copy of the policy on social media bullying. If they want to turn me down in front of all the other parents, I guess they can.

As far as affording an attorney, if you really think the situation is bad, I would contact a big name who likes publicity - they sometimes will take a very, very reduced fee or work on contingency. Start with Jeff Fieger - he is obnoxious but awfully smart as well. (248) 355-5555 Just what I do, anyway.

@Laura I will also be at the meeting. Although I still haven't decided if my student will return to DCS. I'm sure someone at DCS will read this and alert them to quickly draft a copy for parents. Whatever. I used to put a lot of trust into this district but no more. They like to operate behind closed doors with no transparency or respect for special needs students and all they have to endure. School is hard enough for kids. It's a 1000x worse for those with disabilities.

Curious does Dexter have a parents of special needs group that works with WISD and DCS? I know we have a PAC rep but wondered if there was an actual group. I'd be interested in meeting with other parents to figure out how to get our kids through school knowing the social barriers they face.

@DCS. Well hopefully we at least get a copy of the policy out of it all. I have found that a velvet hammer works best in Dexter. Most people we have encountered have been excellent. We met a few that were simply horrendous and it took a small war to get things sorted out - but they did get sorted.

The counselor at Creekside mentioned to me about a training class at WISD - START. It's all about autism education. She is taking the class next Tuesday & had reccomended it to me. It's free and at their location in AA. I believe START is the new model for ASD in Dexter and WISD. I will be taking the full series as well.

I am not aware of any group for parents of ASD kids or special ed kids in the district, or even in the WISD, which is why I want to try an develop one. Too many people seem to have serious issues with the Dexter schools and I think a group voice is more powerful than a single one. It would give people a lot more credibility with the School Board and the various school administrations. I am not worried so much about them reading this - or getting advance notice of anything. If it forces change, then it's good enough for me. As much as I would like to see a select few punished heartily, I find I have to ignore them and focus on getting the services or policy and ignore the people problems. On an individual level, the aids and teachers have been great. It'a been administrative qualification issues for us.

PAC is a group, and should be offering meetings at least monthly. It seems to me that this would be a good tool to utilize, as they are in direct discussions at all times with their local ISD's as collaborative partners. I am suprised that WISD doesn't have a file or list of support groups available through their website?Granted, I no longer live in the district - but when my son attended, there were several parent groups.
A true campaign of education of parents is essential. We must move away from the "kids will be kids" mentality. This is not the same world most of us grew up in. Social media is a HUGE part of it, along with prolonged desensitization of children towards violence via the internet, video games, movies, etc., compounded by the need of children feeling more & more pressure to make their mark on the world by doing something extraordinary. If they can't do it through other means, sometimes negative works just as well - and their negative experiences in school can lead to the ever more increasing outlashes in society as we've seen in the last few years. Bullying is the 1 common denominator in all recent issues reported on the news. Granted, they blamed ASD when the individuals involved had REALLY either a personality disorder, or a dual diagnosis - but in the end, it doesn't matter. Any child, pushed hard enough, long enough, may be capable in this day & age of lashing out - even the *neurotypicals*. We must address it, or it will only get worse.

Shawn, while I thoroughly agree that DCS needs an overhaul, the Patch link to the article about homeless student numbers states that these are estimates, so I'm not sure you can jump to the conclusion that 5% of students in DCS are homeless. The chart says 162 per 2011/2012,\. Is this possibly as a result of the tornado displacement of families?

http://www.annarbor.com/news/schools-adjust-to-serve-provide-transportation-for-growing-number-of-homeless-students/ States that:

"According to a national indicator, districts should have a homeless student population equal to 10 percent of their free and reduced-price lunch population."

I appreciate you allowing us to voice our concerns! I was worried you wouldn't allow the comments to go through. Another online news source heavily moderates comments but I won't go there.

It would also be great if some sort of round table of the sorts could be scheduled. There are many parents facing the same issues and if we could compile a list or data of the most pressing issues that face these kids, then as a group we might be able to get something done. In my own personal dealings with DCS they really don't act until many others are involved. Sad but true.

This makes me so sad. Our troublesome transition was 3rd grade. Wylie didn't want to heed the advice and information from Bates even after the wonderful staff at Bates spent a lot of time communicating the information. I know because I knew it would be an issue since kids like this typically struggle with big changes in routine. Thankfully our 3rd grade teacher was wonderful and always took the time to listen. 4th grade was a completely different story. The biggest bully in the classroom was the teacher. I was asked to meet with her and the "team" the first or second week of school. The teacher directed the meeting repeatedly talking over the social worker who knew my child very well. Rather than shut her mouth and listen she proceeded to inform me that my childs problem was not what he was diagnosed as and that I should seek treatment, even hospitalization if necessary because he was emotionally disturbed. Even the social worker gave the teacher the side eye knowing she went too far. Fast forward another student in class with some special needs is also having trouble. Parents observe classroom (mom is teacher) and found that teacher was rude, condescending and would openly call out those kids with social issues knowing they would struggle, then would sit and mock them for not paying attention. The principal was notified by this parent, she was also notified by me but refused to do anything about it.

We also heard that child was behaviorally disturbed from teacher who also apparently held a MD, PhD in child psych and refused to believe that a neuro-bio disorder could be the result. Principal refused to move child out of classroom even at the recommendation of the medical professionals sighting that it would set "precedence" for other kids who just don't get along with teacher. Because it couldn't possibly be the teacher just lacks the ability to work with kids and special needs.

"Aggressors, therefore, should not be looked upon as the devil incarnate; rather, they are children who learned anti-social behavior at home, in school, or elsewhere in their social environment. "

--So, by this logic, every criminal learned to be a criminal somewhere, be it from mom and dad, the school, or the neighborhood. Should they not be punished either? Or maybe the shopkeeper should be punished as well.

"Having suffered extreme bullying myself from Dexter parents throughout the years (relational aggression; via relationships to directly or indirectly manipulate and hurt me and my family)...certainly didn't see the schools openly promoting bullying."

--Hmmmmmm. Give us an example. When has your daughter come home in a suicidal state because the administration suspended her for defending herself after being attacked by a bully? How much have you spent on counseling and services to get your child the help they need, only to be told by DCS that they "don't have to provide it"?

The issue starts at the school board that has allowed bullying to continue, and goes right down to the teachers you claim are also bullied. Sorry, not buying it. How did those students get the keys from the teacher, and if they had the keys, how'd the teacher lock herself in a class room. Need keys to operate a lock. Unless my sub par education at Dexter has, once again, failed me.

The policy, as written, is grossly inept and does not take into account that bullying, especially ongoing relentless verbal abuse, has more long term consequence, and is much more far reaching, than physical assault. In cases of physical assault, the aggressors can be expelled permanently, or at least removed from the general population, forced to take classes seperately from their peers. Why should bullies be treated any differently?

I've read the policy many times. As Nick's mom said - the policy is inept and very broad. It can be interpreted in a multitude of ways depending on the circumstance, which is what I have witnessed over the years. The schools seem to think that just because the victim is smiling when the peers are saying "dumbo" or stupid, moron, weirdo, psycho, cry-baby, etc., the victims couldn't possibly be bullied or upset because they were smiling and laughing. They are smiling and laughing because that is the only way they can get through the day. If they make a big deal about it the perpetrators gets in trouble and then it becomes even more of a problem. Therefore most of these kids go years accepting what is being said to them as just "joking" or "normal" when it is in fact the very definition of bullying. If go back to when these kids started school together you will send the trend over the years. As the behavior becomes more obvious in later years the bullying becomes more harsh. These kids walk through life being constantly mocked of their disability whether it be EI, ASD, ADHD, etc.

I am surprised that anyone would be taking that kind of attitude in today's society - it is irresponsible and flies in the face of what we know are dire potential consequences of ignoring bullying or passing it off as normal. It also opens some legal liability for the school district and therefore for us all since we would ultimately end up paying for any judgments against the district.

I can say that our own family experienced several incidences of our son being bullied both verbally and physically at Creekside. In both cases the school reacted strongly and appropriately. We discovered what was happening in one case and reported it to them and in the other, it was discovered by them and reported to us. We thought the responses at all levels were good - and in the one case there was a very good resolution possible between the aggressor and our son that has turned the situation into a positive one for both parties. Both times it was very clear that the administration had a strong position on the behavior and was moving to both stop it and create a change for both kids. I would expect the same for all kids in each school. Why is this not consistent??

Barbara Reed - this is something the Board of Ed has a duty to investigate and act on in order to protect both the students in our district and our financial liability. I hope you can open some doors on this subject district wide. It is obviously a serious problem may exist.

Barbara, here is the law regardless of the DCS school policy which took effect Dec 6th, 2011:
Here is a summary of the law from http://dexter.patch.com/articles/snyder-signs-anti-bullying-bill

Gov. Rick Snyder signed a bill Tuesday that gives school districts six months to develop "clear anti-bullying policies" that are required to be in place by the beginning of the next school year.

“This legislation sends a clear message that bullying is wrong in all its forms and will not be tolerated,” Snyder said in a news release. “No child should feel intimidated or afraid to come to school.”

Districts have to hold a public hearing on the policy. Those districts that already have a policy that complies with the law — such as the Hartland School District in Livingston County — must submit a copy to the Michigan Department of Education within 60 days since the law took immediate effect with Snyder's signature.

A previous Senate version originally attracted national attention because critics said it provided an exception for bullies who have "a sincerely held religious belief or moral conviction." But a house version that didn't have that language won out. It also didn't clearly protect students who could be bullied because of sexual orientation or gender identity.

Continued below in next blog.........

Under the new law, the policies must at least include:
"A statement prohibiting bullying of a pupil.
A statement prohibiting retaliation or false accusation against a target of bullying, a witness, or another person with reliable information about an act of bullying.
A provision indicating that all pupils are protected under the policy and that bullying is equally prohibited without regard to its subject matter or motivating animus.
The identification by job title of school officials responsible for ensuring that the policy is implemented.
A statement describing how the policy is to be publicized.
A procedure for providing notification to the parent or legal guardian of a victim of bullying and the parent or legal guardian of a perpetrator of the bullying.
A procedure for reporting an act of bullying.
A procedure for prompt investigation of a report of violation of the policy or a related complaint, identifying either the principal or the principal’s designee as the person responsible for the investigation.
A procedure for each public school to document any prohibited incident that is reported and a procedure to report all verified incidents of bullying and the resulting consequences, including discipline and referrals, to the board of the school district or intermediate school district or board of directors of the public school academy on an annual basis."

Continued below in another blog.......

These 3 blogs are taken from the law as written and signed into effect 12-6-2011. In addition, the new law states that the legislature encourages the following:

"Provisions to form bullying prevention task forces, programs, teen courts, and other initiatives involving school staff, pupils, school clubs or other student groups, administrators, volunteers, parents, law enforcement, community members, and other stakeholders.
A requirement for annual training for administrators, school employees, and volunteers who have significant contact with pupils on preventing, identifying, responding to, and reporting incidents of bullying.
A requirement for educational programs for pupils and parents on preventing, identifying, responding to, and reporting incidents of bullying and cyberbullying."

I wonder how much of this has actually been done with the Dexter Staff and pupils?

"Both times it was very clear that the administration had a strong position on the behavior and was moving to both stop it and create a change for both kids. I would expect the same for all kids in each school. Why is this not consistent??"

Speaking from my own experience I believe the district labels and profile certain kids. By profiling I mean looking at the family structure; who is there and who isn't, and whether or not the family has the means or even time to pursue legal action. Then there is the influence of other families. I have been told that parents have asked administration what is wrong with my child and that they have explained it is confidential. Why aren't those parents contacting me to ask? Why, because they wrongfully judge and assume the child is raised by inept uninvolved parents. I remember one dad saying to me “your kid is really funny and not what I expected.” That pretty much confirmed the judgmental elitist attitude that surrounds this very issue. It is plain ignorance. People who don’t understand or know anything about special needs act uncomfortable and don’t want their kids around them. God forbid precious catch autism or bi-polar disorder. Until we fix the stigma surrounding these issues this is always going to a problem. With a population of so many over educated individuals I’m actually rather surprised by it all.

I know the schools are hobbled by privacy laws regarding students. If your child has a disorder that makes them appear odd to to others sometimes - as ours does - the school cannot say anything to anyone about it. Makes explaining the behavior of a child to non staff very difficult I think, especially when they look normal. We have struggled for years with how to deal with this issue and have come down on the side of "knowledge is power" and are 100% open about his condition now. Our son has been through extensive training on what his disability is, both the physiology of it and the effects for him. He has a "speech" that he can rattle off about himself, which he developed from this training. He self identifies to others what he has and how it affects him and what people may need to know. He actually came up with this all on his own in 3rd grade when the class required each kid to present something about themselves and he stood up and told everyone "I have Asperger's Syndrome" and went on to describe it and its effects. No one knew it was coming, not us, nor his teacher. Everyone was floored. The teacher reported immediate changes in the behavior of the class towards him and the effects seem to be lasting. His openness continues. I have now seen his classmates chide their parents for looking at him oddly at times. I pray it lasts. He has had problems, but he also has a lot of kids who get that he is simply different and moved on from that a long time ago.

cont... I know that is not an answer to the problem dealing with the administration, but I hope it provides some light on one way to deal with the issue that has worked for one family. I don't know how else a person can deal with getting around the privacy laws - they are completely inflexible. We were led to this solution by our son, who found it empowering to be able to self identify what he see's (rightly) as his strengths and weaknesses and a huge part of who he is. He essentially took a MAC truck to the privacy barrier and rolled over it from the only side that can legally let it down. We have simply followed him and tried to support his decision.

"We have struggled for years with how to deal with this issue and have come down on the side of "knowledge is power" and are 100% open about his condition now. Our son has been through extensive training on what his disability is, both the physiology of it and the effects for him."

I think it is wonderful that your son was able to do that and received support! Bravo. Sadly, different diagnosis, different reactions, opinions, judgments, etc. Due to the number of over diagnosed and over medicated kids ADHD is no longer taken seriously. Combine ADHD with possible EI issues and you are immediately faced with judgment and negativity. Kids refer to those socially different or fragile as "psycho, cry-baby, etc". It's hard to tell your kid otherwise when the media and society has done nothing but turn a blind eye to mental illness or disorders, along with perpetuating horrible stereotypes. I could preach all day long. Point is people are ignorant and horribly cruel to those who face adversity from diagnoses that doctors are still debating over. If we can’t be 100% sure what is going on until child is adult we can’t expect kids or other adults to understand it.

Laura, that is exactly what I am talking about for the school wide Special Kids Awareness Week. For those who wish to be open and empowered by the knowledge that they give to others around them, it can work to dramatically decrease the side effects of bullying and ignorance. You have a wise young man there, he could be a leader in helping others who are perhaps not as confident or trained in how to let others know of the difficulties they live with. If these bullies are learning bad behavior, whether at school or at home, then let's take on the challenge to teach them good behavior and lasting friendships. How do we get the school to cooperate? How do we get the principal of Mill Creek to call the school counselor instead of the police, as happened to us when our son 's frustrations turned into a meltdown, and the school wanted to scare him? (On a side note, we found that the police were shocked at their being outside of the knowledge loop and embarrassed that they were adding to the obvious distress of a child in crisis. Those are the bullying tactics carried out by the Dexter Administration's Principal who had sat in on several IEP meetings detailing those accomodations, expectations, and recommendations which were ignored by the substitute teachers. That's when we first started using a special ed. lawyer to make sure the IEP was drawn up and carried out . And that is also when they lost the first of 2 Sp. Ed. Directors, who left to go to a better school district.

Dexter Mom - I am stunned. I am stunned and furious. I cannot believe someone at Mill Creek thought that was an appropriate way to deal with the situation. They should have been removed.

It brings up yet another point, however. Our kids are at great risk when made in interact with law enforcement. I have spoken with people at the Sheriff's department and they have actually taken training on how to deal with kids on the spectrum who has melt downs. They would also like to work more closely with the schools but are shut out. Several of their officers have kids with ASD, so it comes from a place of concern and not wanting to get it wrong or add to what they know are already difficult situations. I am really surprised at the schools not wanting to open their doors and create a program with these kids so they can have positive interactions with the police. Situations can arise where their disabilities can place them at real risk and if the adults who are supposed to help protect them and facilitate abdicate their jobs (or actually call the police) where police interaction occurs. If the police do not know the situation of the kid or are not advised (or don't care), then things can go badly. I think we could also make an after school program with the Sheriff for SE kids. It could be very positive for everyone. Just a thought.

One question - is the Mill Creek person who called the police still there?

A young man with special needs walked into a school, presumably in the midst of some kind of "meltdown", in Newtown, Connecticut. The ensuing encounter with law enforcement did not go well for the young man. Are you actually advocating that a better outcome would have resulted if the school administration would have called a counselor instead of the police???

My point here is that school administrators make decisions about the safety of all the students in their school, every day, and they might pay with their lives. You seem ready to demand the removal of a school administrator based on a statement from one anonymous commentor here, whose comment could be as far from the truth as possible and you wouldn't know the difference.

I have edited out my initial rude remarks, George Elliot, but your remarks are infuriating. Let's just deal with the facts and your misstatements:

1. The "boy" you refer to was actually a 20 year adult. We are discussing middle school kids who are 11-14. This alone is enough to make your entire comment moot, but lets continue.

2. Adam Lanza was not a student under the care, control, guidance and protection of the school. We are speaking about special needs students, with legal IEP's in place, documented special needs which can include melt downs, and the most assuredly are under the care of the school. The school has trained personnel - namely school counselors at a minimum, who know how to deal with the various needs of these kids. The police are not part of that group, but in this case, it seems the police had better training and knew an inappropriate request when it was presented.

3. Adam Lanza was not having a melt down, Melt downs are the loss of the ability to remain calm and in control of your emotions, often in the face of a situation too overwhelming (sensory overload, too much input, etc.) . They present with a lot of crying, shrieking or high pitched speaking while trying to keep crying, can include collapsing on the floor, yelling, sometimes with a lot of arm waving and pacing. Adam Lanza acting in a very calm and calculated manner. That was no melt down. Not even close. No valid comparison here either.

3. Adam Lanza never had an encounter with Law Enforcement. He was finished and committed suicide before they entered the building. So whatever analogy you were trying to draw is lost here too.

4. The child we were discussing was not presenting a threat. So why call the police? Why call the police before calling a counselor or 911 for an ambulance? Several of the local police have kids on the spectrum - they also know what is worth being called for, this is not it.

So even if we forgive the complete lack of relevance of your analogy and simply go to your main point, the protection of all students, you have nothing to stand on. No students were being threatened.

What your post does convey is the position of a large part of our society about what is appropriate care of those with disabilities. When they need care, let's call the police. Even though statistics tell us that these kids are far less likely to be violent criminals that typical children, in raw numbers and as percentages. That's sad and misguided.

I appreciate that what happened in Newtown is horrific - in fact one of the children killed was an ASD child, found dead in the arms of his teacher. Correlating that event with this is similar to correlating Tim McVeigh with white male boys from divorced families who are only children. There are similar but no causality. It's an empty correlation.

George, " Are you actually advocating that a better outcome would have resulted if the school administration would have called a counselor instead of the police???" In our case - YES. Our ASD kid did not have a weapon, and no teacher was ever threatened. No one in Dexter Schools has "paid with their lives" except the ASD kids who will never be the same after suffering the abuse and bullying that is allowed to go on in this town's schools. Laura, yes, the persons who called the law in are still in charge of your kids as administrative employees of Dexter Schools. George the young man in Conn. was not a student of the school or a member of the classrooms there. Having severe mental illness and violently targeting a school is WAY different than being an ASD member of a class as a fully supported IEP kid who is struggling to fit in with a bunch of aggressive neurotypical kids that are taught to bully anyone who acts different. My anonymous comments are the truth and I have miles of paperwork to prove it. I have to remain anonymous because when Dexter settled on a resolution payment to my son, out of court, I had to sign papers of non disclosure, but only for the incident involving the Special Education Services. Our family can actually be sued if we disclose to anyone what really happened.

“I have to remain anonymous because when Dexter settled on a resolution payment to my son, out of court, I had to sign papers of non disclosure, but only for the incident involving the Special Education Services. Our family can actually be sued if we disclose to anyone what really happened.”

This blows my mind. How can this district be so irresponsible? I can’t believe with everything you have been through they haven’t done more to prevent this from happening again. Rather they continue to cut services and split special ed staff across many schools. How can they effectively provide the needs of these kids if they are expected to work in multiple schools? Seriously DCS? This is the best you can do with all those degrees and millions of dollars for special education that you receive? How about instead of turning a BLIND eye to the issue you face it front and center. You are located in a state with many Research Institutes/Universities; why not tap into those resources? I know some initiatives with UM and bullying have taken place however one event per year is not enough. It’s the special needs kids that are faced with discipline and threats of suspension or expulsion when they reach their breaking point and either verbally or physically act out towards those that have tormented them for years. The tormenters and bullies walk around free to do it time and time again.

@ Laura, I'm sorry. My intentions were certainly not to infuriate. I thought it seemed as though you were being a bit hasty in judging the Mill Creek Administration without having verifiable facts. I have had interaction with administration at Mill Creek related to a 7th grade student who was very close to adulthood in physical size. My oldest child was afraid of this boy, with very good reason, and the administration needed to make decisions based on the safety of the majority of students.

Also, I applaud the efforts of the parents commenting on here who are actually making suggestions and putting in effort to improve the situation for bullied children in Dexter. I do not have children with special needs myself, but my youngest daughter has been in class for two consecutive years with the same boy who does. The first of these years, it really bothered her that classmates would intentionally try to get him frustrated because they thought his reactions were 'funny'. My daughter said that she tried to help him with some of the school work, in her words "explaining things calmly so he wouldn't lose his patience." Her classroom teacher did confirm this to me and said that her behavior toward this boy was a huge help in the classroom throughout the year....

... (cont'd) Her second year of class with this boy started with an outside expert talking to the entire class about Aspberger's syndrome. I assume the boys parents must have allowed that, and it made for a much better classroom experience and not just for the boy himself. I think my daughter is better person, and is more patient and respectful with all of her classmates, because of her experiences these two years.

If there are more things that other parents and "non-special needs" kids can be doing to improve the situation, please find a way to educate us as well. Even if this can't be done through the schools, other places like the District Library may be an option.

"If there are more things that other parents and "non-special needs" kids can be doing to improve the situation, please find a way to educate us as well. Even if this can't be done through the schools, other places like the District Library may be an option."

Thanks George Eliot for understanding and God Bless your daughter for helping. A library meeting would be a great way to facilitate a discussion on positive changes for special ed. kids in the schools. In the mean time, please have your daughter tell a couple friends to also help somebody and ask those couple friends to ask a couple more to help, etc. If we could get some boys involved too that would be awesome.

George Elliot. I appreciate the sincerity of your reply. It's a parents nightmare when any ASD person commits a crime because the "all of them" label comes out, and the reality is they tend more to be on the receiving end of violence. It pushes all the work done to advance them in society back again.

I appreciate that there are instances, as you mention, where a child who is physically threatening must be removed. In fact, if it were my own child who was threatening others, we would request it ourselves. No one wants to see anyones child get hurt. We also do not want to see anyone try to "scare" perceived bad behavior out of our kids by using the police, when it is not a controllable behavior or simple bad actions on their part. As your daughter (wisely) discovered, the result of sensory overload and too much input is predictable to an extent, and not within the full control of the ASD kid - it's why the provocation is repeated. The result is rote. Police cannot "scare" it out of someone with ASD - it would be like asking them to scare you into better ability to compute 3D mathematics in your head. You get the opposite result. It's a bizare move on the part of someone in education to attempt.

I think it's interesting to read your tale of your daughter and the boy with Aspergers. We have noted that our own son's year in class have often found him with little girls who are masterful at facilitating peace and understanding. It must be a gift they are born with. I cannot tell you the level of gratitude we have for these girls. They cast disparaging looks at tormentors, have told some to "sit down and shut it", been a friendly smile when stress is rising and someone to carry on a conversation with when no one else is interested in listening. Please tell your daughter from this parent that she is brilliant. It takes great courage to stand up in the face of others tormenting and risk it being turned on yourself. I admire her courage. You must be very proud to have such a daughter.

I am hopeful that at some point here Dexter schools will avail itself of the programs that exist for spreading the awareness of special needs people and for preventing bullying behavior. It is a cultural change that has to begin at the top, and requires a willingness to commit some time to these programs. So far, its been a dead end, but perseverance is the key to any success!

Laura, I'm confused, what does this, "all of them label coming out", mean? " It's a parents nightmare when any ASD person commits a crime because the "all of them" label comes out"

Dexter Mom: "All of them" is a label we hear often when an ASD person does something negative. As in "all of those ASD people" are violent, mentally ill, destructive, or something else negative. Even though the statistics show that it's not true, people are scared of what they don't understand and seem to want to label an entire community sometimes.

@ Laura Jones - were you still going to schedule a group of Dexter special needs parents on Meetup.com? Looking forward to meeting up with other parents to share ideas or ways to best help these kids get through the school years.

It's scheduled! 1st meeting of the Special Education Advocates in Dexter will be Tuesday 1/29 at 7 pm! The meeting is informal. Once we have a head count, we will book a table. The meeting page is here: http://www.meetup.com/Dexter-Spec-Ed-Advocates/ It's free to join meetup.com - I covered the cost of starting the group page. I am really looking forward to meeting other parents. Hope to see many of the posters here attend!

Thank you Daniel.

Hi DHS graduate! I'm very interested in hearing about your experience. Would you say the issue got worse throughout the years or problematic all the way around? Do you think kids are afraid of school because of the bullies? Hmmmm. I was going to make a comment about football and the culture and a specific person, but I won't go there. Most people can connect the dots. I also feel that administration can only do so much. Either they won't accept that the problem is going on or they keep it at bay long enough for the kids to move onto the next school making it someone elses problem. Dexter changes schools just about every 2 years K-8 so how can they really address the individual needs of each student? I'm starting to figure out why so many families left and advised us that the problem is not going to get better.

Al - the article drew the link between the cartoon and kids being afraid, which most people here do not accept either. I agree with your position - being afraid to go to school has much more to do with actual bullying behavior.

No one is above the rules and any administration that treats a group as above the rules should rethink their position. As I said before, this type of acceptance creates a legal liability for the school district, above and beyond it being wrong. You mention that zero tolerance laws prevent punishment of the aggressor - how so? I am not following that. I do get that you can be equally punished for defending yourself by the school, while the law looks on it as self defense and justified.

Also, why are teachers not able to do something about bullying behavior that is not physical? I see them reacting to that in lower grades, what changes at the HS?

Well let me first off say that the culture off putting star athletes and athletes in general above the rules is NOT just a Dexter issue. Now, to answer your questions;

Would you say the issue got worse throughout the years or problematic all the way around?

--Since the enactment of the zero tolerance policy it has gotten worse. The reason is because with zero tolerance, comes zero action. The teachers become powerless to intervene before serious torment happens, and in the case of a physical altercations, you can not defend yourself or you are punished just as much as the aggressor. This leads to kids such as myself learning very early that teachers won't help, and the system is against you.

Do you think kids are afraid of school because of the bullies?

--Yes. Plain and simple. Our kids are being tormented daily and are powerless to stop it. Especially special needs students who don't have the capacity to fight back, whether it be physically or mentally. Let me clarify, I don't condone violence. But when it comes to defending yourself from merciless attack I condone doing what needs to be done. In the case of special needs students ESPECIALLY there needs to be more action taken by the teachers.

Hmmmm. I was going to make a comment about football and the culture and a specific person, but I won't go there.

--Well, I will go there. Ken. Keonig. If I knew then what I know now he would be in a jail cell.

"You mention that zero tolerance laws prevent punishment of the aggressor - how so? I am not following that. I do get that you can be equally punished for defending yourself by the school, while the law looks on it as self defense and justified.

I remember a few years back my coworker showing me a video of a fight at DHS between 2 girls. The video showed her daughter jumping into the fight that had gone on FAR too long to try and intervene since her friend was being hurt. There was one teacher standing there with deer in the headlights look as if she was terrified and didn't know what to do. Administrators came to break up the fight but because my coworkers daughter involved herself by trying to stop it she too was suspended for over a week. We teach our kids to help others and not bully but then take the right away when it becomes physical. I think some teachers are afraid of the high school kids. I have one on my street that terrifies me and I work with teenagers. The zero tolerance policy makes no sense in situations like the example I provided. Either we teach kids to not bully and stand up for others or we don't. I think the kids are getting a very mixed message. I absolutely don’t condone violence, but when provoked or a child is constantly physically bullied why aren’t they allowed to defend themselves? How will the abuse ever stop?

"Also, why are teachers not able to do something about bullying behavior that is not physical? I see them reacting to that in lower grades, what changes at the HS?"

Personally speaking I believe that younger children are easier to redirect. Telling a 6'2 225 pound football player to knock it off takes a pretty tough person. Then there is the whole issue of parents and how they react to the situation. Some families will be open to it and acknowledge their child acted poorly, whereas others will play the blame game and start threatening lawsuits or going to the school board, etc.

Makes sense, sadly. However, it is worth noting that the law is most clearly on the side of the victim, not the bully. To sue someone, you have to have valid standing. Pointing out someone's child is acting in a bullying manner, demanding changes in that behavior or actually claiming assault where it has occurred is none of it valid reason for suit by the parents of the bully. In fact it can create more legal problems for them. It's just another form of bullying taken at a higher level.

For my own part, I think it is worth noting that one's legal rights do not end at the classroom door. Nor does the law. At the high school level I can see teachers being wary of physical altercations - however they make excellent witnesses. Defending oneself from physical harm is a right, not a privilege and the law treats it that way. If you child is clearly defending themselves from a beating, it really does not matter what the school does or does not do - file an assault charge with the police immediately. I would advise my child to call 911 immediately (always have a cell phone) to report it (he who reports first is best believed in court) and have photo's taken of the injuries and record the names of everyone who saw it. If the school suspends the victim for defending themselves, file a complaint with the school board and then a civil suit. It's simply wrong. No one has a duty to take a beating - ever.

"And to "DCS needs overhaul", the empowering of the bullies does begin at a young age, and the lack of restraint by their helicopter parents is fostered by the K-2, 3-4, 4-6 building set up. Every year, the common refrain was..."don't speak up, just let it go so we don't have the teachers/admin causing more problems in "x" building for our daughter since she will be going to "y" building next year. The cycle repeated itself all the way thru high school."

This. My child has been told for years it's not really bullying, they are teasing you or just joking then lectured over the definition of bullying. By saying that, kids are now telling each other...."stupid loser why don't you learn how to spell.....kidding haha." So adding the "kidding...haha" makes it okay. Not really when it has been going on for years to a specific target that is powerless over these kids.

"Al, my daughter was first subjected to the unfair handling of bullies by the administration when the bullying against her started in 6th grade. The bullying she has endured from that point forward continued in many forms and from those that were her classmates, teachers, school board members and other staff; and most certainly some fellow athletes and their parents until she graduated. "

I'm so sorry your daughter had to endure all this. It is hurtful, demeaning, damaging and certainly abusive. I hope she is doing well now that she has graduated and moved on. It's really sad. I have the same fears and I'm starting to see some of the same behaviors towards my kid now directed at me. At the incoming 7th graders meeting last night a group of my child’s peers walked by me as I was looking at the posters about bullying and said "that's so and so's mom...." Yes it is so and so's mom, how about saying hi so and so's mom or not saying anything at all. Yes I am so and so's mom....what's your point? May I help you with something or are you trying to intimidate me with your eye rolling and dirty looks like you do towards my child? Funny enough many of them were the same ones on social media bullying my child.

I have to LOL at the grocery store comment! You have no idea how many times I've run into someone and you can tell they are dodging us or trying to avoid eye contact. It's as if they were saying "ugh there goes that family...." I have also heard comments from other parents questioning why these kids are mainstreamed as if what they have might rub off on their perfect Jesus like children. If only they knew what was happening on social media behind secret clubs that only members can see. Sigh.

I LOVE your ideas Dexter Mom! I think that is a wonderful start. I have also wondered why they don't do the buddy-to-buddy program or involve the NHS students needing community service to come into the schools and eat lunch with these kids, spend time talking about school, anything is better than nothing. http://www.challengeday.org/challenge-day-program.php I have heard wonderful things about this program. You are correct that there is so much we should be doing to address the problem.

In some cases I agree. The youtube video that went viral (can't remember when) of the group of kids physically kicking and hitting another boy. Boy finally had enough and let the ring leader know it. I don't like violence but in that situation the boy had no other choice but to defend himself from the number of attackers. In Michigan thanks to zero-tolerance that boy would have likely been expelled. For what? He wasn't doing anything but trying to mind his own business when the other kids started physically beating him. Then again we took the fear out of parenting and any sort of authority figures. Kids lack respect and that healthy fear of mom/dad and authority figures, and the punishment to follow. All it took was the look from my mom or dad and I knew I was busted. Now we’ve created disrespectful intolerant little people that rely on apps and gadgets to get them through life.

Sean, that happens when Dexter calls in the local law enforcement agencies and tells the victim, (who is actually the bully that got pounded because he wouldn't stop bullying and inciting the rest of his goons to do so as well), that they are well within their right to press charges, and the school sheriff liaison goes right along with it because he can't be informed be school admin. that the bullied boy that snapped was ASD and had been taking months of abuse. "The law is the law and if you retaliate and someone gets hurt you can be arrested." Apparently in this town the prosecuting attorneys will take these cases and use them to put another feather in their caps and a chunk of change in their wallets. Oh, and the band of goons will stick together on their stories to make sure it looks unprovoked. Too bad the real victim didn't have an older brother.......

Thankfully Sean your brother had you around! :) I fear for the kids that don't have siblings. I am seeing too many kids that think it's funny to tease, mock, bully those with special needs. Nothing is funny about it. In fact it is repulsive behavior that as a parent I would be horrified if one of my kids were involved with.

In hindsight I wish we could have done that earlier. We did take him out of DCS eventually and our settlement was enough to pay for his private schooling. My son was not fragile until all the bullying happened. Had it not been for the bullying, he would have been fine, and was doing fine in between incidents but the accumulation was too much to process and we didn't realize he was under so much pressure. He did not tell us about much of it until after the fact because of threats to him that it would become much worse for him.

I cannot speak to Dexter Mom's son but I know for my own child they don't process traumatic events like the atypical child. Given the amount of bullying and taunting these kids go through, my child’s medical team feels most of them also suffer with PTSD on top of the already determined disorders. Life for them is very difficult just having any of these disorders. Other kids don't understand because to them child looks no different so why do they behave so strangely? As for private school, some of us don't have 10-20k per year. The government does not provide education vouchers therefore our tax dollars go to supporting DCS so that is where we go. With special needs kids there are no perfect schools or solutions, however DCS can do much more to create a tolerant non-bullying environment.

“We have a support group of parents of these kids, who have to withdraw from Dexter and go elsewhere for more compassionate education services, and the Board of education has their heads in the sand insisting there isn't a problem, because those parents also need to protect their children from both the schools and the community and can't go "on record".

Is this an established group? How does one contact this group to be included? I would like to have discussions with other parents in similar situations so I can make the best decision for my child’s education. I have heard many complaints over the years about DHS and the bullying problem. However aa.com published a story about the soccer team having a DS team manager and they allowed him to play a game. Perhaps those kids of the soccer team can reach out to other sports teams and help combat the problem? I continue to hear about bullying from athletes. Have coaches been made aware of this problem? I realize the revolving door of AD’s probably plays a role in that as well. Most leagues and governing bodies of sports now have bullying policies in place however violations have to be reported. I can’t imagine a coach in the district I work ignoring a complaint or proof from a parent that one of their athletes was bullying. Where I work it would be immediate suspension and possible removal from the team depending on the situation. Curious why the culture in Dexter so different about this?