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Online Dating: Well Below the Learning Curve...

Online dating is a "learn as you go" activity, and though many well-wishers may offer up advice, many of us ignore them. Well, here are some lessons I had to learn the hard way.

Well, I’ve learned a whole lot from the debacle that was my “date” a few weeks ago. Suffice to say that this guy did not get a second interview. It was awkward, weird, and I couldn’t wait to get out of there. With that being said, here are the few new details I’m going to add to the “this is how to online date” manual:

  • Always set up the date for coffee or a short meal
  • Never commit to a destination where there are multiple things to do
  • Try to meet the person as QUICK as possible
  • Don’t text someone for a week before meeting them

Allow me to go ahead and explain my new found necessities:

Point 1: no matter how many times the other person stresses that they want to do something “fun”, don’t fall for it. I fell for it, then I was trapped because this guy thought we were on an outing and he wanted to continue the date after each activity was done. If it’s not going well, you’re doomed. At least with coffee there’s an implied short time-frame; no one expects coffee to go longer than a half hour or so. If it’s going well for both sides, then you can go somewhere else. If it doesn’t, then hey, it was just coffee.

Point 2: This goes hand-in-hand with Point 1. If you’re at a place that offers a wide variety of things to do, you’ll probably be expected to do most, if not all, of them. I’ll go into detail of my specific instance later, but I’ll use the "date" example here. We met up at a combination joint. There were arcade games, a bar (which had food), bowling, and it was also in the same complex as a movie theater, a mall, and other restaurants. BIG NO-NO. If you’re trying to get out of it, there’s too many offers to shoot down if the person you’re with really wants to continue the charade. One place, with only ONE thing to do, makes it easy to put the kibosh on the night when you’re done with the date.

Point 3: I spent a lot of time chatting with this person before the date. I should have listened to my best friend, but being a newb, I thought I would know better about how to conduct a courting session. She was totally right. Shocker. Getting out to meet someone ASAP is really the best way to go, because you can see right off the bat if there is any chemistry. You don’t go for days messaging back and forth just to find out that there’s no sizzle in real life. It just feels like you’ve already been on a few dates already if you go too long. Plus it doesn’t leave any room for that initial conversation for the face-to-face meet. You may end up asking questions you’ve already asked via text or email, and that’s no bueno.

Point 4: *sigh* this is where things get sticky. Again, this is the brother to Point 3 - texting or messaging someone for a while before a meet up is a commitment all in itself. If things aren’t going well, it makes it a little harder to cut the cord and send that ship sailing. Why? I don’t know, maybe because you feel like you may owe it to the other person to justify the severance of the pseudo-relationship? Maybe because all that time that’s already been invested will now be a waste and that’s too much to handle. Maybe that weeks’ worth of communication is enough for the other person to think that you’re already in a relationship and be at a more advanced level than you are.

Stay tuned for the play-by-play of one of THE worst date's I've ever been on.

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Kristen Braun March 01, 2012 at 07:22 PM
Thank you, Kristin. I've received a LOT of great advice from my best friend ;) Though many of us need to walk the actual mile in our own shoes, it's always worth a shot to put that advice out for other people to examine!
Anonoguy March 07, 2012 at 09:33 PM
If gentlemen are in such short supply, why am I still single? You know where nice guys finish?
Kristen Braun March 07, 2012 at 09:44 PM
...right where the nice girls finish??? :) I'm still sticking with my statement- I feel as though my generation is lacking a lot of core morals and manners. But I won't limit it to just the men. Fair enough?
Anonoguy March 07, 2012 at 11:41 PM
I wasn't disputing you, so sure, that's fair. I just can't help but wonder if all women are really looking for a gentleman. I think the 'bad boy' thing is what women are attracted too. Which is probably why they think most men are deficient. They limit their choices?
Kristen Braun March 07, 2012 at 11:54 PM
Well I, of course, cannot speak for all women, but I think it's the "assertive" thing that's appealing but is often misconstrued as the "bad boy" thing. That's my opinion anyway :)

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